It dawned on me just now that the reason for my "insecurities" and feeling inferior because I am not where I wanted to be in my life at 31 (eff!) is my lack of ability to focus. I AM SO DISTRACTED. In fact, as I am composing this blog post I have a book lying open, on top of my unread Vogue March issue and another book waiting for me to finish it which I started reading a week ago but couldn't get myself to continue because I got bored with it. As I type, I can hear my husband creepily snoring beside me and our 3 kids, outside our bedroom, shouting at the top of their lungs! Our 6 month old baby is crying, probably because she's starving (an exaggeration, of course); our 2 year old son is crying incessantly (again!) for reasons only he knows; and that 7 year old (smarty pants) daughter is protesting (loudly!) her yaya's demands for her to go and take a bath because it is already 11:58. You see, having 3 squirmy, rowdy, cry-babies and a know-it-all, demanding husband around me 24/7 will really make it hard for me to focus on anything! I can't focus on my reading (even if it's just a fashion magazine full of pictures!) or watch "whatever" TV, let alone focus on my life! Don't get me wrong, I love my family LIKE CRAZY! I mean, if my house is quiet all of a sudden I would just start moping because I am all alone and I miss my kids badly. Case in point, my recent vacay where I couldn't wait to go home despite me having the time of my life (running errands) with my girl friends! Only 9 days and I almost died of home-sickness. Ugh. Life's stupid ironies!
What now? Well, I've decided to commit to blogging again, you know. I really need something for myself. Postponing law school indefinitely and postponing that real estate board exam I've been meaning to take, I (really, really) need something to make me feel like I can still commit myself to something and finish it. The only commitments I'm seeing thru right now are keeping my kids entertained and clean all the time, keeping my husband (period) and my endless household chores and that very demanding job of conceptualizing our new home's interiors. So, yeah, something for myself... I will have to force myself to update this blog at least once a week, even if it's just cat poo I will be talking about.
Dee
P.S.
I cannot credit who that photo came from because I just found that stored in one of my folders which I probably saved some time ago. If you happen to be reading this blog and you're the owner pls. don't curse me. Thank you.
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